It's been a long long time that I've done any blogging of any kind, and may be that's more than my fault than anything else. Lately, I have been feeling inclined to keep things private to a lot of people, including my own family.

Here's the things that are affecting me since after Thanksgiving 2008:
I lost my job on December 9, 2008
Found out my grand ma "Mother Rose" is very ill.
Went to Jamaica to say farewell to her. (Hopefully I'm wrong on that)
Going to take some time off from school to figure where am I going?



Losing my job started to put a lot of things into perspective. I never got depressed, but part of my life after December 15, became very depressing-like after my first interview. I only looked at jobs intermittently since then, when I found out at the same time, Mother Rose was very ill, she had surgery, and many family members had written her off to die. It took my mom and brother a while to get their passports, but we eventually went to see her.

Losing my job also meant I could not return to school next semester. It also meant I needed to start paying off bills as soon as possible. I cleared out most of my debts, but I have to let clear that now I need to start paying off loans. I don't know how long, or if I will ever complete my degree. I put it in perspective, where am I ending up in life.

Am I...

going to be in an HR or HR-like profession where I can put my skills to use?

going to work in the financial industry, and get my certifications there?

to completely open myself up and go into a new field such as healthcare administration, or something else?



This is the dilemma of being too talented. You know too much and it gets you into trouble. I can only follow my heart, and whatever decision I wind up, I know I would be happy with it. I'm doing the same thing again, sending my resume to see where I fit, and if it's in Finance or Human Resources, I can make those entirely more specific.

In the meanwhile, I refuse (whether out of love or blindness) to write my Mother Rose for dead. Her illness, I think can be treatable, even in Jamaica. Although things have seem depressing with my daily waking up late in the morning, or sometime in the afternoon, I don't feel depressed and I love my Munchkin to death. I try to keep in touch with Norm as much as possible, even playing World of Warcraft (on Gorgonash, Arcimonde and Burning Blade) with Norm and hunniebunny) and I keep myself going out ever so often, such as Bowling on New Year's Eve and my fiancee's co-workers "I Can't Believe She Said Yes!" party this coming Friday.

I just want to let everyone know that although a lot of bad things have happened, you should all know, I have not written myself off for dead, and life (as complicated as it is) is still fully enjoyable. To quote my former supervisor, Sam Delgado, "Tomorrow is another day."

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

I am getting really fed up with Huston Street and his timetable for coming back.  Normally, as a Fantasy Baseball owner, you hear, "irritation in the ulnar nerve" and yell "FUCK!" because it normally means Tommy John surgery, or ligament replacement surgery.  Either way, not good at all.  What's pissing me off is that Street is my number one closer, and I have been dealing with what to do with him for over a month now.

The league, being dead at times, gave me a free pass on picking up Alan Embree.  At least I can feel safe in a fringe reliever getting me some saves.  Hopefully, he does not blow up my WHIP (walks and hits over innings pitched).

Where I'm coming at is a frustration for every fantasy owner; which seemingly I've dodged within the past few years, "avoiding the injury bug to a key component to your strategy."  Street, in my assumption would have provided me 35 saves, a 2.00 ERA and a WHIP of 1.10.  Albeit, it's only 75IP out of my 1250 inning limit, his presence is mighty to show that I have a strong bullpen.  However the cumulated losses of Street, Joel Zumaya, and Takashi Saito; injury bug bit me just about time.

The life of a Fantasy Baseball owner.  Even if it's just one team.  It is frustrating.

Other than Coach Barrett, I feel that I am not really wanted by the Athletics Department.  Last week was sort of a tale-tell sign when Coach, Jashira and Leah organized the office, while I was told by Margie to not touch anything.  Coupled by, "Akil, do not touch this...," "We'll handle this.  You can go run along now," and other justifiable statements, I feel like they want me to do the work that they never want to touch, and the work that I feel that I should be working at, I don't.

I believe the language is "We will see how it goes next year" when approaching with me continuing with Athletics, or my Graduate Assistant position.  I think they know that I'm pretty much useless to their eyes, which is sad, because I do a lot of work that people do not even want to touch with a ten foot pole.  I am never afraid of being the scapegoat for when there is something that goes wrong, but when it involves me and I make a suggestion for a solution, I'm ignored, and not getting a chance to defend myself because the fault is undue, unjust, and not in my control.  The thing is, when you are set up to fail, you look for everything to see how can you succeed at doing this, but you fail, because the trust in fixing problems, even when they're not your own, they feel very tense because it will affect their jobs consequently, even if there is no consequence for them at all.

Anywho, finishing out this semester seems to be pulling teeth.  I do not know if I am unmotivated as ever.  This feels as a complete 360-degree pull from last year as I was eager to get an opportunity.  I guess the opportunity that I had was to have some sort of latitude in my life, and all I experience is adversity that I am failing against, quite miserably.  I need to change this part of me, because it has become my undoing and the hint of why I cannot keep a job, or people to trust me.

May be this is why my bosses, my co-workers, professors feel this way about me.  Everyone controls my life because they have a title, a purpose or responsibility, and by taking a backseat to those individuals, I may be greater than a pawn, but I'm a misused knight, easily captured by others.  Life, as in chess, I need to restart a new game and be careful of what the heck I'm supposed to be doing.